Happiness, where is mine?

You might hear it all the time from your family and friends, you deserve to be happy or I’m glad to see your new _____________ (boyfriend, girlfriend, job etc.) makes you happy.

Does any of that really make you happy?

Is finding that special someone who makes you laugh, feel good and adorned making you happy? If you are not happy with you, how could you be happy with anyone else. Eventually it fades and you find yourself in the same relationship pattern. Another person can make you feel happy, but you can’t find happiness through someone else. A 16 year marriage that broke, searching for the someone to make me happy finding them and then loosing them! why cause I wasn’t happy. Argh! relationships! This is whole other blog!

Your job! I only know a very small amount of people who actually love their job. I mean are so passionate about it you can feel it when you are near them. The rest of us go about our daily lives to try to get a raise, get the promotion, get the bonus! We waste so much of our lives to advance our career when we eventually get what we want the euphoric feeling fades quickly. Now on to the next promotion. Crazy way to live! My past job was this, wake up early head to work, put in 10-12 hours go home sleep repeat. I worked really hard to gain a title and the paycheck to go along with it. Still I was never happy, I kept getting bigger houses and accumulation more materialistic items. Still not happy. The effect of working like this is detrimental on your relationships and family, I have missed many moments in my children’s lives and my life because of work.

I thought I had everyone fooled when I walked around all perky upbeat, smiling and laughing. I very well might have had them all fooled, but I was crashing on the inside. I was always as the strong one, the one who could do anything, get through anything. So for months and months that’s what I did. I was big strong Corey! What a dark and lonely road. I started to looked at myself and tried to figure out how to be happy. I refused to be miserable, I refused to mope around and hate the world, the world that I had created.

Then I asked myself the question, Happiness, where’s mine?

Then more questions, Did I deserve happiness? Was it my right? Who was going to give it to me? What was going to make me happy?

I was looking in all the wrong places. Asking all the wrong questions. I really needed to start looking at myself in my own head! It has to start with me. What a scary place my head was, to many demons, too much hurt and too much panic. I created this shit world I was in, only I could make it the world I want to be in. Make it my Happy Place( Happy Gilmore) Awesome movie!

So that’s what I started to do. . . . . . .





5 thoughts on “Happiness, where is mine?”

    1. Cherie, recognition of the strength needed to get through is such a big step in the right direction. You are strong, you can get through anything. Please know that you are that strong! I can see in you. You just need to believe you are!

  1. Wow…Corey what a fantastic journey you are on. I am 62 going to be 63 and can count the days that I have been happy. How sad is that, two days are when I brought my beautiful children into this world. Days when my mom and me would drink tea, eat ice cream and laugh like school girls. My children made me happy.

  2. The first and the most reliable guide to happiness is your body. The body supports mind, so body and mind working together create the state known as happiness. Together they also form a single field. When being aware of your body, you are connecting to the field of infinite possibilities. The key word is AWARE!!! Awareness has tremendous power.

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